Kathy Brous
CLICK to BUY “Don’t Try This Alone”
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Technical writer and author of “Don’t Try This Alone: The Silent Epidemic of Attachment Disorder – How I accidentally regressed myself back to infancy and healed it all”
Raised on Long Island, New York, Kathy survived a 30-year career in the fast lanes of New York City and Washington DC. Starting on Wall Street, she was an international economist for 18 years, using her Japanese language skills to write and consult on U.S.-Japan trade and finance. In Washington, she became a technical writer, producing documents for Pentagon subcontractors for 12 years while pursuing her hobby as an opera singer.
She was busy flying around the world instead of having a family. “Childhood was bad,” she thought. “Why visit it on another unsuspecting baby?”
Suddenly in 2006, Kathy faced divorce from a 27-year marriage to her college sweetheart, leaving her bankrupt. A move to California was followed by the death of both parents, then two bad rebound affairs – five life disasters in two years. Those crises started her down a path of discovery and healing that she is now able to share with others.
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Copyright © 2018 by Kathy Brous. All right reserved. No portion of this website, except for brief reviews and live links to this website, may be copied or used in any form or manner whatsoever. All use must show prominent and clear attribution to Kathy Brous at https://attachmentdisorderhealing.com.
Medical Disclaimer: This website is for general information purposes only. It is simply my own research. Individuals should always see their health care provider or licensed psychotherapist before taking any action. Any application of the material on this website is at the reader’s discretion and is the reader’s sole responsibility.
Wow, thank you for sharing your story. I am on a very similar journey and hearing your experience is so encouraging to me.
Hi Kathy, I just discovered your website and I have been listening to Dr Allan Schore–the most important years of my life. I am starting to realise that it is not my fault that my estranged mother is not able to control her negative emotions. I am planning neurofeedback sessions next year with an experienced clinical and forensic psychologist. I want to know what is your thought of seeing just one therapist–he is not a psychotherapist but a clinical psychologist who is trained to do a neurofeedback on clients? Do you think I should see a psychologist and a psychotherapist? Thank you, Vicky.
You mention you have therapists you work with in California. I’m looking for help for my wife who is 39 with severe attachment problems that have never been treated. She suffered severe emotional, social, educational and medical neglect as a child and became socially isolated at a very young age, dropping out of school by the 6th grade and spending the rest of her childhood and adolescence at home alone with her neglectful mother. This long-term isolation severely impacted her development to where she cannot tolerate being around strangers at all with me literally being the only person she can even talk to. She is a very challenging case and needs a lot of help. Do you have a clinic or specific therapists you can recommend? We’re in the San Francisco Bay area but can travel to So Cal. Thank you.
I’ll email you the name of my fantastic therapist. Please call him asap to ask if he knows a good inpatient clinic either near you or near him in Orange County south of LA. He can surely help her but if there is a clinic that does his type of work, it may be more productive to stabilize her there awhile first. Ask him.
What therapies would you suggest for chronic fatigue syndrome? I had a rocky childhood. In college I left due to depersonalization, then in my later 20s I got CFS. I’ve been doing better in my 30s now but get “dips.” I’m studying to get my masters in clinical social work and attachment theory is fascinating me. I’d like to study more about it along with trauma. Help myself and others!
Donna Jackson Nakazawa describes how she healed chronic fatigue in “The Last Best Cure.” Amazon: “One day Donna… found herself lying on the floor to recover from climbing the stairs. That’s when it hit her. She was managing the symptoms of the autoimmune disorders that plagued her for a decade, but she had lost her joy. Over the course of one year, Nakazawa researches and tests a variety of therapies including meditation, yoga, and acupuncture to find out what works. But the discovery of a little-known branch of research into Adverse Childhood Experiences causes her to have an epiphany about her illness that not only stuns her—it turns her life around…”
Hi: Where/how can we buy your book?
My book will take ’til end of this year. I’m delighted by the huge response to my site but it takes time, as does daily healing and getting a Life! 🙂 Good news: much of my “bottom line” is here: 1. Short version of how I healed, especially my podcast: http://attachmentdisorderhealing.com/about/how-to/#comment-536 . 2. This other post shows, personally, I needed a lot of grief work first to be able to feel. Then body work was very successful: http://attachmentdisorderhealing.com/featured-topics/healing-body-work/
Favorite things I’ve read today – “We have to start with knowledge and brain science and data is great because we need validation — but in the end, healing isn’t a cognitive process.” Thank you Kathy! Your personal story is fascinating and your sharing of it inspired. I would love to connect with you via email or video chat one day soon! ps: I saw Dr. Levine speak at the 2016 ATTACH conference here in St. Louis and he was wonderful. xo Suzanne
Your website http://www.genmindful.com looks terrific. Couldn’t agree more, we need cognition to even start, but healing really is not cognitive, trauma gets into the body and that’s why “Somatic Experiencing.” Please let me know if you’d like to write a Guest Blog for my site. I’d be grateful to have your comments on my various website pages so that everyone can benefit!
Did you ever experience derealisation symtpoms through your trauma? I only began having these symtpoms a few months ago due to my year of bad anxiety (dreamy state/questioning whats real/feeling detached from people etc) i’m undergoing neurofeedback to try eliminate this feeling and wanted to know if you experienced it and if neurofeedback helped you.
Yes, I and many others with child attachment trauma had these symptoms. You are not weird or crazy! And, neurofeedback helps enormously. Please see http://attachmentdisorderhealing.com/neurofeedback/ including the blog by Dr. Tina Hahn MD, “My Neurofeedback Journey.”
I have done 9 sessions so far and have experienced slight improvements, however not as much as I would have liked and there are some days where I feel awful instead of better and not sure if that is normal (?) but I’m still in early stages. I am also going to try some Somatic experiencing therapy soon which deals with regulating the dysfunctional nervous system. It’s amazing how trauma stays in our bodies from even pre birth (in utero). I thought about all the stuff that although do not bother me now, happened from when I was younger until now and I have definitely had a rollercoaster ride! Thank you again for your reply, and I hope you are well 🙂
I have a grandson abandoned in a library at 8 months old, adopted out, new dad sexually abused him, adopted mom boyfriend did drugs and would choke and beat them, adopted mom died 9 years later, and my daughter signed her rights over to the state. i got him when adopted mom died, boy had lots of secrets, he was told if he said anything he would to killed. i had him in counseling for trauma 2 years but he is getting worse, they say he has RAD but are not treating for it, he have two counselors, one is saying that i need to change my attitude then he would. i am trying to find a therapist to help him and me, because it is hard to dell with, im reading on RAD and getting ideas how to cope with his manipulations and not take it personally, he can push my buttons fast. do you know someone who can help?
See this list, also at bottom of my Find an Attachment-based Psychotherapist page: Report/Get Help for Child Abuse:
–Center for Missing/Exploited Children: http://www.missingkids.com/Support
–Children’s Advocacy Centers: http://www.nationalcac.org
–HelpGuide: http://www.helpguide.org/misc/service-directory.htm under –Child and Parenting Services, see Attachment Disorders
State Locator for Early Intervention (NICHCY) 800-695-0285
–Zero to Three Center for Infants & Families: 202-638-1144
–New York Foundling 24-Hour Parent Help: 888-435-7553
–California First Five: http://www.first5california.com/services-support.aspx?id=20
–Michigan Children’s Mental Health: http://www.acmh-mi.org
Dear Mary Jane – I’ve sent you a private email with my list of OC attachment-based psychotherapists, but for somatic work-trailed therapists, see Dr. Peter A. Levine, Somatic Experiencing:
Trauma Provider Directory – enter your zip: http://sepractitioner.membergrove.com/index.php
Dr. Pat Ogden’s Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute
805 Burbank St., Broomfield, CO 800-860-9258
Find a sensorimotor therapist: read the intro first:
https://www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org/referral.html
CA therapists: https://www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org/referral/prUSA_CA.html
I would like a referral for qualified somatic work near Costa Mesa, Ca. EMDR helped me break trauma bonds with an increasingly pathological spouse and run. I survived retaliation that included the destruction of my adult children’s attachment to me. When I filed for divorce in Riverside and escaped I did not realize a corrupt judge would encourage him and judicial immunity would protect him. The Riverside County newspaper article on my 1st go round with government tactics is a clue why a non family law judge came on my divorce case and aided and encouraged my very disturbed husband, who needed serious help.
I am finishing my second year in Somatic Experiencing training. I came across your website searching online for an article by Stephen Porges. I am impressed with the resources you offer folks with attachment trauma and would like to offer one that I do not see represented here. Diane Poole Heller has taught Somatic Experiencing for many, many years. Recently she developed a separate training to address early attachment wounding. She calls it Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning experience (DARe). DARe trains therapists how to provide corrective experiences for early attachment wounding and as how to empower the client to attend to her/his own wounds. It is a powerful addition to basic SE training. Diane has trained hundreds of therapists and is in the process of developing a certification process and a directory. She just finished hosting Psychotherapy 2.0 for Sounds True this week. Many authorities you list here were interviewed by Diane for that program. Her website is dianepooleheller.com As her process draws on most of the trauma authorities you list on your site, I thought you might be interested in learning of her work.
Your site is a wonderful resource for the attachment trauma community. Thank you for this rich contribution.
Dear Mary, Please, could you turn your report on Diane Poole Heller’s Somatic Experiencing specific to early attachment wounding into a short guest blog, and I’ll post it here?
As you know, Ms. Heller was trained by Dr. Peter A. Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing, and my healing revolves deeply around my work on Dr. Levine’s book “Healing Trauma.” Please see my page on somatic healing aka body work: http://attachmentdisorderhealing.com/featured-topics/healing-body-work/
Dr. Levine’s student Dr. Laurence Heller also has a book “Healing Developmental Trauma” on the same topic of using Somatic Experiencing for early attachment wounds. I wonder are the two Hellers related?
Kathy & Shelley, Dan Siegel says something similar about healing developmental trauma: Presence, attunement and resonance is the way to clinically create the essential condition of trust. This allows clients to experience healing love without fear, as they come to the neuroceptive evaluation of safety. This helps them create trust within their subjective experience.
I would say that singing Kumbaya is an excellent application of Dan’s statement! -Janae Weinhold PhD LPC Colorado Springs, CO http://www.weinholds.org http://www.coprofdevcenter.org
Hi Shelley – Bruce Perry once told a conference of attachment-based therapists that government reviewers don’t like it when therapists hold hands and sing Kumbaya; they prefer hard data on the brain. Then he laughed — because of course his whole point is: the real healing comes from singing, hugging, yoga and other “heart-based, mammal to mammal” attunement which gives a traumatee those “patterned, repeated rhythmic activities” which regulate the brain stem. Without which trauma can’t be healed. Yes we have to start with knowledge and brain science and eve data is great because we need validation — but in the end, healing isn’t a cognitive process.
How lovely that the two of you have also become acquainted! It feels SO good to know that there are other passionate, committed people out there who are serious about making a difference in this world for the better! Not just for children, and not just for adults, but for ALL of us! I’m about ready to hold hands and sing Kumbaya with you two! 😉 Hugs, Shelley
Dear Kathy, I just discovered you on the ACE connection. I, too, live in San Diego and sorry to have missed the ACE meet up with the surprise guest, Dr. Feletti! Next time for sure…
As a trauma survivor, school psychologist, and woman who values democracy anchored in happy childhoods, I have two “sacred work” projects with the intention to end ACES, once and for all. 13 years ago, because of the broken hearts I witnessed daily as a school psychologist, I founded a national initiative to establish the well-being of America’s children as our national priority… Jim Sporleder, also active with ACES Too High, is a Director. Jim’s open letter to Arne Duncan following the Sandy Hook massacre is on the Campaign’s homepage and blog.
The America’s Angel Campaign. http://www.AmericasAngel.org
http://www.facebook.com/AmericasAngel.
Then, to bring The ACE Study to the masses, I wrote a book based in my 13 years of research into the psychology of relationships and intimacy. The book is cleverly disguised as a dating book for single women, but there are 5 pages dedicated specifically to the ACE Study information, and many chapters address healing from childhood trauma. http://www.NaughtABimbeaux.com
http://www.facebook.com/NaughtABimbeaux
Blessings, Morgan